DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF A *DISABLED ADULT* WHO IS VULNERABLE? ARE YOU AWARE THAT *NO ONE* LISTENS TO US?! you should.. considering YOU don't even listen to me.

i just spoke to my psychologist and i feel a little better about things. i told her about how i called my trustee this morning and left her a voicemail saying that i didn't want amanda to be my advocate anymore. i think i forgot to tell her who i wanted to take her place partly because i haven't asked them yet. she hasn't helped me with ANYTHING that i'm aware of and she just says passively to me, "YOU GOT THIS!" whenever i call her for help. it's nice for someone to show confidence in my ability to solve problems but she says it as if she doesn't give a shit and isn't offering any solutions or suggestions to my problem. the main reason why i think she says it uncaringly is because VERY RARELY does she actually call me back ever and she disagrees with my goals because they're not CONVENIENT or easy for HER. my psychologist asked me the last time i actually spoke with her and i couldn't remember.. maybe it was last year? that's not the kind of "support" my grandma told me that amanda would give me. if she's meaning to do it so she can tell me that i got myself to new york or boston all by myself.. let me notify her that I am a VULNERABLE ADULT with a BRAIN INJURY. NOBODY LISTENS TO VULNERABLE ADULTS. since you seem to think you know everything- YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. then my psychologist asked me the last time i spoke with my mom and i said that i didn't know because all she does when she talks to me on the phone is complain and i told myself last year that i was trying to get rid of negativity and complaining is negative. i told my psychologist that i thought that my mom always called me and complained about shit probably because she thinks i'm like my grandma (who she'd call all the time when she was alive) and probably felt like she could tell me everything that she would tell my grandma. I am the daughter in this situation- if ANYTHING i should be the one coming to HER complaining about my problems looking for help. seeing as i'm also sick and tired of her thinking that shit- i stopped answering the phone. so she doesn't call as much. i'm stuck in this fucking state without any support or care and i'm SUPPOSED to be alright with wasting my life when i COULD be living my own fucking life in new york.. but good ol' amanda is SUPPOSEDLY "helping" by NOT helping. stop trying to give your negligence and LACK of knowledge on how to HELP ME become a TRULY constructive and useful human being an excuse. which does NOT mean DOWNGRADING my POTENTIAL and ability just for the convenience of people who only pay attention to me whenever it's convenient and/or beneficial to THEM. stop wasting your time and more importantly MY time and ability. i've said this before- saying "YOU GOT THIS!" and not offering help or a solution is JUST like putting a person in a canoe in a lake without a paddle or oar to help paddle the boat and pushing the person in the middle of an empty lake, not offering them any help and assuming they'll figure out a way to move the damn boat- it's been TEN FUCKING YEARS.. i don't think i'm going to figure out a way to move this fucking boat. ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN I LACK THE DAMN CREDENTIALS IT WOULD TAKE TO GET ME A DAMN JOB ON THE EAST COAST. that's the reason why amanda is so stuck on trying to distract me with going to stupid useless courage kenny. so i can be content throwing away ALL my abilities and work experience JUST to live off social security and go to courage kenny mindlessly! she OBVIOUSLY LACKS EMPATHY because HOW THE FUCK WOULD SHE LIKE TO JUST THROW AWAY YEARS OF GOOD GRADES AND BEING ACTIVE IN HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS, ALONG WITH THE WORK EXPERIENCE I DID MANAGE TO GET- JUST TO APPEAR AS A DAMN DISABLED PERSON WHO EVERYONE THINKS SHE'S TOO DAMN STUPID AND UNCAPABLE TO WORK A JOB- SO HER ONLY WAGES ARE SOCIAL SECURITY? SHE WOULDN'T. SHE CAN LAUGH WITH DUSTIN AT THIS SHIT ALL SHE WANTS. HARHARHAR OUR COUSIN HAS OTHER GOALS THAN US AND SHE'S WORKING HER ASS OFF PERSISTENTLY FOR NOTHING PROBABLY! HARHARHAR YOUR SMART ASS PICKED THE WRONG HORSE TO BACK ON THIS ONE. can't tell you that though.. since you THINK you know EVERYTHING- you don't give a shit. my psychologist reassured me at the end of our session by saying, "you didn't do anything wrong." so that made me feel better. IT'S NOT ME TO BLAME FOR THE LACK OF SUPPORT AND CARE I RECIEVE. IT JUST SUCKS THAT I'M NOT ABLE TO DO MORE WITH MY DAMN LIFE BECAUSE SELFISH ASSES DON'T FEEL LIKE SHOWING THEY ACTUALLY CARE AND LOVE ME.